Forget about the numbers

 Today I will forget about the numbers. I will not give them the place to reside in contentment or resentment. Today they are merely a monitor. Today I didn't go work out and it was also ok. Sleep was important. Husband time last night was important. My connection to other people was important. Jude's birthday weekend was important. It's the last 5th birthday in our household. No need to mourn it, but it was something to celebrate! Not something I wanted to cince my way through.

Best thing about today is that I feel no guilt about any number or any decision. I know that the numbers will change here in a few days and I can work on understanding my body in this reverse and healing it to a proper state that I can successfully function in.

I also have decided the first hour of work is for my mind to unload before I take more in. First coaching call of this bridge group is in 30 minutes and I'm taking the time to write it all out so I can make good use of my time while in it. 

For a Monday the outlook is remarkably happy and bright. It's a warmer day. It's the last Monday before spring break and my coaches are here. They are excited and we have so much to look forward to.

Here's to peace and joy this week. Celebrating and making choices based upon real, and not imagined thoughts. Here's to being 4/5 years old and joyfully using my body and eating for fuel and stopping when I'm done. Living in the moment and finding joy each time I look around.

Why am I in a funk?

It's the starting of week 3 in this funk. Got kind of crazy last week but has been compounding since then. I am trying to work on so many things and felt like things were going well an it all seems to be unraveling.

My health journey has hit a snag. Cross fit Carley has been gone for 2 weeks so I haven't worked out. I asked Kdee to go. I've asked DJ to make sure we go. Neither have made it happen or a priority. I rarely ask for help or anything and this is 1 thing they have both pushed me to do and now that I am needing them they are AWOL so not exercising AKA the only thing I do for myself. I'm even out of the habit of doing my own morning workouts now. 

Went to energy Jen to try and create calm inside of this health and weight loss journey and she told me to do exact opposite of what health coach Sarah said to do so now there is even more conflict inside so here are the questions I need to answer.

Why do I want to eat better:

I want to feel good inside my body. I want to know that the things I'm putting inside are good for me mentally/physically/spiritually. Yes that means that Sugar and a Dr Pepper are part of my eating habits. I do want to eat when I'm hungry and think through what will fuel my body and get me to where I want to be rather than grabbing what is closest and will bring me a minute of happiness.

Why do I want to loose weight:

I want to feel more fit than actually loose weight. Maybe it would be best to just take measurements instead of use the scale? I want to move comfortably. I want to fit my clothes the way I want to. I want to feel confident in my body regardless of the number on the scale. I want to be empowered to use my body in ways have been self conscious to do in the past.

Why do I want to work out:

It is the only thing/only time I take for myself that day. I like feeling strong and pushing myself to new limits and learning how to do something different. I want to me strong in my mind and body and lifting weights does this for me better than just the regular cardio I have done in the past. My body is naturally strong and it's great to feel this natural change taking place.

So my plan:

*Eat mindfully - not emotional and no shame attached. Keep doing a reverse 1500 calories this week add 100 calories until I get 1"more on my waist. Then I back off by 100 calories for 8 weeks

*I want to loose inches. Measurements will be my guide - not the scale. I will decide if fat loss happens in a few months. I don't have to even think about that right now. It is not part of my current plan.

*Working out is my job and my responsibility. If I like it it will do it regardless of who else is. Find something/somewhere I can do it and feel comfortable doing it regardless of who is or is not there.