So I am begining this with a romantic notion that everyone will finally understand me.. love me.. and be concerned about me because they will magically find this and then know what was really going on. Not that I have any expectations that any of the above will happen it makes for a good story. How do I know that? Simply because I have read enough/watched enough to know a good story and secret thoughts are up there on the good list.
Actually I just need to start somewhere that is safe, my own, and let it all roll out without fear of who is reading what they will do and how everyone will respond. While I do love attention seek for it in a very quiet way this is not the attention I long for. I simply need to work a few things out in my mind and man does my handwriting suck so typing even with typos is great in my book. Authentic at least. I can at least be totally me right here without tring to put on the good face that seems unbearable right now. Crap cant cry makeup is done.. shower is over and those are cardinal rules that cannot be broken. Too long of a day with too much to do to break those first thing. Poppy Mae needs to go to school but at least it is a start. I am beginning with no end in mind. Just caught an extra minute making her go potty before we leave the house. Why is that so hard to do? Honestly I wish someone would make me do things that are good for me. I can't even make myself. I don't know where to start . or end. or what they would be. how to pay for them. or if they are even good right now. Uh. She's back. Time to start this never ending day.
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