Filters

I have been thinking a lot lately about the filters in our lives. Things from my childhood days seem more crisp, clear, and connected. Now it seems as though I am constantly looking through filters. Sometimes it's filters over filters, over filter. It's hard to even know what the real picture looked like in the beginning.

For example I just accidentally bought a photo app that has 200 different filters you can choose from and you can even LAYER multiple filters. Now who has the time or energy to actually do this kind of silly work? I remember telling DJ when we were first married that I was glad he had bad eye sight so when he would see me in the bedroom I would be in soft focus. It always got a good laugh and was a humorous antidote, but as of now I am so DAMN sick of not seeing reality. I am tired of digging through people's per ma-filters to find out the real problem. To find out they are NOT who they said they are. To discover they have no loyalty. To feel their superiority. I am tired of filtered messages from the media, and those with power and money. I'm tired of 1/2 truths. I'm sick of apps to make you thinner, teeth whiter, and lashes longer. I am seeking for honesty in a dishonest world and it killing all of us from the inside out.

Today I sat in a Community Council meeting to discuss that there will be a special meeting about new lock-down procedures due to the recent Florida school shooting. I could not hold back the emotions as we calmly sat and talked about breaking windows to get kids safe. To running out the back doors. To secretly keeping gates open to access the golf course. The filters have dimmed the absurdity of the situation. We are talking about children and having to think about how to save them from guns that shoot 7 rounds in a single second. Mass chaos to divert a shooter will have no bearing on the number of casualties. It's the best we can do. LITERALLY it is the best we could come up with for the IN CASE. Instead of a plan to stop in case we plan on how to react when/if/God forbid it happens. Like God has anything to do with this insanity. Don't think he made/sold/used the gun but by all mean lets keep praying for safety and see how much good it does. They have literally turned prayer into a filter. AS if it has the power to siv out the evil.

So reality check is this. What filters am I living behind? Guilt - Shame - Depression - Self Loathing - Jealousy - Unfairness... I mean the list can go on and on. It's a boring, never ending list with no solutions, but in all reality.... THE REAL takes it all away, or at the very least it makes a place for those filters to land besides me. I am longing to see the real me again. I am hoping to be brave enough and kind enough to see her and love her as she is. I pray we will all like her and give her a little wiggle room to feel and make mistakes.