Defeated?

I find that when Im feeling the most in control that something inevitably comes along to knock me down into another new low. Today Jen told me "Not to let the world change me because I was meant to change the world." New outlook. New vision. New ideas to inspitre. Feeling like being myself is enough.... then comes Mardi. We had even taken time to make her little and give her back to The Savior and she comes raging back in.

She is one of a handful of people that makes me feel small as a leader. She contradicts almost everything. She wants better quality but in the same breath says I expect too much.
She wants more 1-1 time, but wants to cut on payroll.
Is grateful for the changes, but cautions me about giving too many things to do.
Give words of appreciation and positivity - but never offers it herself.
She says I don't give enough credit or praise, but never takes the time to find out when I am giving it.

I really need to find a job that is more positive for my mental health. I am not going to win or impress Mardi ever. I know that she cannot be convinced to change her expectations. She cares only what will serve her and her causes. There is no overreaching goal, purpose or greater good. She gets to do her, but I somehow need to find a better way to do me. A way where I feel like I am making a difference and am appreciated. A place where I am not defeated at every turn and made to feel like "the problem."

I want to surround myself with people who are working towards something bigger than ourselves. People who want to try new things and work hard and fail hard. People who are feel safe and not worried about disapointing people. I want to be with people who are there to make the world better who want to exist at a 10 or at least not content with staying at a 7 and keeping others there too.

It's time to continue to make The Peak and Mardi small and to look for my new BIG adventure no matter where it may lead and what inconvenience it will leave behind.