Fear is one of those dreaded 4 letter words. Is it funny that we fear FEAR. This is an intangible item that cannot be touched, but touches us all. We use it as a motivator, a scare tactic, a way to embarrass, or as a means to an end.
I HATE FEAR!
I hate feeling fear, I hate using it as a means to an end, and I hate when it creeps into my life.
I just went to the dr today about my left arm. I haven't felt my fingers for 2 weeks. It was time. I fear the dr. It has been a long time since I have had any good news there: Back, feet, tonsils, breathing, allergies, miscarriage. It hasn't been a good couple of years. Each time as I sit there and hear the diagnosis the fear creeps back in. I knew that the baby was not good - silence breeds fear. I knew my neck was not an easy fix, not knowing what method will work spreads fear. Wondering if I will ever be able to be active and do the things I want to do - consumes me with fear.
I remember being little and walking to the outdoor freezer in the dark to get the ice cream since my older siblings were scared to do it. I relished this accomplishment. I would boldly walk out grab the ice cream turn around and walk back to the door. I almost make it without fear every time, but those last 4-5 steps always got to me. I could only hold the fear for so long. Not knowing what was coming up from behind me would make my heart race and my steps come faster.
This haven't changed much. The surprise attack of the unexpected still get to me. I candace things that I can see and prepare for, but the ones that come unexpectedly from the unknown slithering back the hated response.... FEAR
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