I keep coming back to this same question. It is frustrating. I despise doing the same thing over and over again. I HATE re-doing things so why is it that I cannot get a handle on this part of my life? I don't want to get up at the break of dawn to do something nice to myself. Sleeping is the nicest thing I do for myself so why is taking it away a good thing?
I need to set a schedule - a specific schedule - for what happens when and I can't feel bad how I create that time to do it for myself. The tricky thing is that I can't count sleep as me time. That is necessity time.
My mind never rests - it never settles on myself and I think that is why I'm drained. Here are things I want to implement.
Meditation
Yoga
Self assessment
Reading
Scripture study
Journaling
Exercising
The how is the hard part. It's hard not to feel angry about how hard this really is. Tonight we went out on the new boat. First time as a family on our own boat and it was not fun for me. I couldn't back up the trailer. I didn't even try and drive the boat. I didn't even get in the water. My skills were only useful when tying the cover on the boat. All I could think was here is another thing I will have to learn. Another thing I'm not good at. Another thing I will have to practice and spend time learning even when I don't have time to do the things I really want to do for myself.
Now these are silly feelings. They are not even true. The are not even me, but they are real. I want to know how to back up a trailer. I want to drive a boat. I want to not only do these things, but I want to be good at them.... I'm not and that is hard for me. I don't like doing things that I'm not good at. I usually avoid doing them, but that is taking a toll on my confidence. I need to KNOW I can learn new things, but I am going to have to start small and know that I can find confidence by finding time for me and being ok not being great at everything.
No comments:
Post a Comment