Can I just push a button?

My head is so full - can't sleep. I cleaned the whole house. Organized and threw away things. I should feel better, but I don't.

Just completed my first peach days weekend without Mardi and tonight a team coach for gymnastics quit immediately via phone. I called and asked her reasons which are as follows.

-We are not treating our customers very well or keeping our word to them.
-She gets paid too little.
-She doesn't have a car to come over.
-Her class she was coaching this summer was too hard and the cheer coach told her we couldn't get another coach because the girls don't pay enough.
-We charged the parents too much for leos
-We don't have good enough bars for the girls - they are being held back.
-We need a spring floor to help them get their skills
-We don't invest enough in our facility
-It's better when the owner is out there coaching so they know what is going on
-She doesn't like drama
-She doesn't know what to say to parents when they have questions
-Another coach told her that he made more than her
-She doesn't want to be involved in conversations when she has no control over outcomes.

All of this is the first time I've heard of any of it. Talk about a shocker. This on top of an email I got Friday night from 6 of the team parents.

Did I mention it was Peach Days? Those girls didn't even come to the Parade. Ally texted saturday morning saying she couldn't come.

So I went in tonight to post the jobs. This on top of a preschool teacher who suddenly quit because she got a different job for more money. Also a Jr gym coach who we offered a job and arranged a schedule and she wouldn't reply back yes or no for the job. AND a coach who can't teach 2 of the 4 days she was scheduled and now can't finish her shift on one of the days she can work.

So my decision is that I want to go and work at a gas station. I want to push buttons. Say Hi and Bye. The emotional and mental stress of this job is too high right now. No solutions but it really is too much to bear. What to do?

Still need to meet with these parents. Need to email them that we are down a coach AGAIN. Still need to find 4 coaches and take care of the other 100's of rec kids and work on our reputation for quality and fairness. I need to figure out a way to pay the coaches more and stay in business.

I need to feel qualified and that I can do this job. I need to feel like it's worth leaving my kids and my house to do this job. I need to feel like this is not my fault.

I'm just so sad. It started today at church and the loneliness was overwhelming and all encompassing. I feel alone in my house, in my church, at work, and family. It don't feel God. I don't feel....It's just empty. All I have is other people's feelings being poured into me and I have no idea where mine are any more. I have no idea if I can feel or it all might go to hell - even more than what it is.

Last year I wanted to make myself a priority and I couldn't make it happen. This year I wanted to mend my relationship with God, but how do I do that when I can't see or feel him an the emptiness is crippling.

What to do. How to go forward. It's uncertain. I'm uncertain. Life is uncertain and that is the only certain thing I know. My sadness is intense and I'm unsure it will end and even more afraid that I don't know how to make any of these changes. That is the part that scares me the most.