Avoidance

Today's Question:
"What kids of situations do I avoid and what does this evasion say about my previous experience or beliefs?"

Funny that this one would come up since I argued with Jami and Barbie on Friday about this very thing. I avoid trying to plan and take charge of family events or functions I try not to even have an opinion. I only show up to be told what to do which I now realize is very passive aggressive, but also seems to me to be the only way I don't get my feelings hurt and allows peace to be kept.

This is a direct result of years of feeling like no one listens to me or ever does what I want or suggest. I have very vivid memories of suggesting something only to have it latter suggested or claimed by Barbie and everyone applauds her for the thought. I have not imagined them. I have not made them up in my head. They have and will continue to be real. She is honey an I can be vinegar. Always has been that way. Not sure how it happened, but sides where claimed and personalities formed.

I have always felt left out and on the fringe of the family. Lesser importance than the others. Hard to know my place. Maybe even a little less loved than the others.

The thing that I need to realize and accept as truth is that no one is trying to make me feel that way. They are trying to include me. The do love me the best they can. They also are trying to figure me out as much as I am trying to figure myself out. Grace to them and myself is what is required and what is needed.