Fear

What is my worst fear and how does it limit my possibilities in life?

I am not much of a fear based person. I'm a fight not flight person. I get nervous about many things. I get nervous when the kids throw up (mostly because I'm afraid I might get it). I get nervous when they get their barkey croup cough. I get nervous when they don't answer the phones. I get nervous about job meetings with Mardi (yes there is one on Thursday). I get nervous about money and all those things.

My biggest fear is that I am not important enough. This is so hard to explain, but I fear that I am not accomplishing big and important things in the world. I fear that I've let people who expected/saw big things for me are now disappointed. I fear that by loosing myself in my kids and family that I am loosing me and my hopes and dreams.

The problem with this is that importance is all based upon other's people's opinion which I have no control over. Importance is based upon general acceptance and common consent.

The pull in my life is so intense everyday. I dearly love this little kids and the people they are claiming to be. I love to advocate for them and those like them. I love/hate running them everywhere so they can succeed and learn. I also love doing most of what I do at The Peak. I love building teams and seeing them succeed. I enjoy watching them learn and leading them and then stepping aside for them to get the applause.

These two loves pull me apart everyday and leave no time to for me to feel much of anything for myself. I'm absorbing everyone else's feelings that it's hard to feel for myself and then follow them. The lack of balance and running hard for everyone else is limiting me to see what else is open for me. The fear of looking is hard as well.