Still going through Nephi's Isaiah at this point. Not the funnest thing to read about the end of the world, but today Poor in Spirit caught my attention. It seems like a bad thing right? This confuses me sometimes. The Be Attitudes make it a good thing, but Isaiah doesn't make it sound super great.
I searched it and yes it is GOOD. It's meekness. It's teachability. It's lacking - BUT what I discovered is that it is no good UNLESS you come to Christ with that vulnerability. Being poor never feels great right? Having LESS never has made me feel super great, BUT what I discovered today is that if we don't come up short what is the point of having a Savior?
The whole plan is for us to NEED his grace. If we have everything in abundance all the time why would we turn to him? How would we ever change and BECOME better. It's no accident that this is in the BE attitudes sermon. To Be-Come anything we need to feel lacking or change cannot take place.
So next time I'm feeling "poor" maybe I need to look at it as a blessing that promotes change and allowing me to turn to my Savior who has the ability to fill that uncomfortable space with goodness and inspiration I need to Become more like Him.
*Greatful that this morning it was much easier to get up. I am relishing in this me time allowing myself the space to feel things. It feels better than sleep and that is saying A LOT!
*There still is something great about a small home that I can hear the feet of each kid and know who it, where they are heading, and what kind of day they are having. Jude has already called for me (not yet baby), Hazel's alarm has gone off (still not up), Gable has went to the bathroom and then into my bed with DJ. Only one I'm unsure of it Poppy Mae.
*It's still light in the morning for another 6 weeks or so. Nice to look out and "see" in the morning.
WINS:
-Totally kept it together when Gable puked at work yesterday. Also got him out of the tahoe before he barfed again last night.
-Another workout done last night!
-Going to take the day off to make sure the boys are good to go. As hard as my job is, it does allow be to be a mom first.
Thursday, August 30, 2018
Wednesday, August 29, 2018
Guilt
I swear I have written about this before, but maybe it has always been in my head. I hate guilt, but I am discovering that I dislike the effects more than feeling itself.
I have always correlated the feeling of guilt with the feeling of nausea when you need to throw up. Perhaps the reason this is coming up is the fact that Jude had his Hot Dog and milk come back up (hot dog throw up is a whole other LONG story) last night and Gable threw up at the gym today. Just the thought makes me nauseous. I'm not great at throwing up. Never have been.
Guilt is kind of the same way with me. I don't deal with it well. It festers. I can't get rid of it because I"m more scared of the process than the relief of being rid of it. Dumb or not, make any sense or not that is my reality. I was doing my workout again tonight (that's right 3 nights in a row!) and I couldn't help but think that as much as I really didn't like doing it (sorry still not fun) the fact that I don't have to feel guilt about NOT doing it is totally awesome. Yep, I'm working out to avoid guilt. Just like I take pepto pills so I don't throw up.
This however is not a lasting way to change. It's easy to avoid guilt through justification and excuses. Eventually working out will need to feel good and yield other results if it is going to stick. Avoiding guilt however is not a bad way to start.
The problem with guilt is that it can swing the pendulum either way. Too much guilt can make you feel so down and out that you are immobilized with failure. The balance to promote change is tricky to find and finding a way to prompt beyond guilt should be the goal.
I have always correlated the feeling of guilt with the feeling of nausea when you need to throw up. Perhaps the reason this is coming up is the fact that Jude had his Hot Dog and milk come back up (hot dog throw up is a whole other LONG story) last night and Gable threw up at the gym today. Just the thought makes me nauseous. I'm not great at throwing up. Never have been.
Guilt is kind of the same way with me. I don't deal with it well. It festers. I can't get rid of it because I"m more scared of the process than the relief of being rid of it. Dumb or not, make any sense or not that is my reality. I was doing my workout again tonight (that's right 3 nights in a row!) and I couldn't help but think that as much as I really didn't like doing it (sorry still not fun) the fact that I don't have to feel guilt about NOT doing it is totally awesome. Yep, I'm working out to avoid guilt. Just like I take pepto pills so I don't throw up.
This however is not a lasting way to change. It's easy to avoid guilt through justification and excuses. Eventually working out will need to feel good and yield other results if it is going to stick. Avoiding guilt however is not a bad way to start.
The problem with guilt is that it can swing the pendulum either way. Too much guilt can make you feel so down and out that you are immobilized with failure. The balance to promote change is tricky to find and finding a way to prompt beyond guilt should be the goal.
Do Your Best. Let Go of the Rest
Man this morning was hard!!! So tired. Had a hot dog/milk/vomit catastrophe last night and it just about did me in. Seriously, vomit makes me wonder about everything. It's because I'm working and brought baby Jude to work. It's because we are doing too much. It's because I was driving crazy. My house is a mess. We are not as clean as we should be. The kids are back in the school cesspool. This list just goes on and on. Vomit is really one of my biggest fears. When a child comes into our room at night I KNOW they are going to vomit right on me ;)
Luckily - my head is in a semi-decent place right now or this might have ended every good thing that I had going for the last 3 days. I as a little sharp with the girls upon clean up, but other than that I kept it together. I cleaned up the vomit ridden car seat instead of throwing it away and replacing it. I even dealt with Gables not wanting to go sleep issue he is having right now. I FELT all those reasons above and knew that in all reality this happens no matter what and not because of something I've done. I even allowed DJ to take over when he got home at 7:30 and I did family scripture study and my 30 minute work out. Life carried on even though half digested hot dogs had been swept into my grass.
I couldn't have been more proud of myself. Really I did it! I calmly held Jude as he vomited on my shoulder. I only panicked when he vomited in the basement. I let him scream like crazy as we walked outside and I let DJ do all the oils and errands I couldn't do when Jude was laying all over me.
This morning's meditation was all about breathing in and saying Do Your Best. Breathing out and letting go and saying Let Go of the Rest. I was able to truly do this without judgement or self destruction because I FELT I could do it because it happened already. It really did happen.
Scripture study (still on Isiah) spoke of how God can only do miracles when faith is involved. I've been thinking a lot about this. Every day I'm trying to come up with a word to focus on and share with someone. Faith is something that I have always assigned out to Christ and Heavenly Father. I have faith in Them. Today I am feeling different about this word. Miracles can also be performed by our Savior when we have faith in OURSELVES. This is huge! The faith we have in them obviously is irreparable and so important, but the FAITH we have in ourselves is just as important. I might say TRANSFORMATIVE. Why shouldn't we have equal amounts of faith in his greatest creation? The self doubt can destroy our faith in others, including our Heavenly Father, because when we see ourselves as lacking how could we not see Him as lacking as well? If we see ourselves as his Perfect Creation, of course not expecting perfection FROM his creation, doesn't our ability to do what is needed increase?
I've been thinking a lot about covenants since Katy Willis brought it up as a ministering principal and this FAITH part is so important. We must have faith in ourselves or we would never make a covenant. We would never KEEP a covenant in our fallen state if we didn't have faith in ourselves that we could do our best and let go of the rest as an offering to our Savior's atonement. Personal faith in yourself is imperative. I think it has to be in place before we can have faith in others including our Savior. Trust is an inside job and I'm working hard at building it with myself.
Almost forgot these!!!
*Grateful for a washing machine and going to be grateful for an outside hose for the car seat later today
*Happy DJ could take Jude while I did my dreaded workout. It's not fun yet, but I still did it
*Tender mercy that we did not end up going to Smithfield as planned. That might have tipped my scale of things I could endure.
Win:
*Yesterday I shared the word Charity with Rachel and it really does feel so good to boost others and help them on their way.
*Curtis seemed to like his socks ;)
*Felt insecure at Gable's preschool open house. Don't know why I do. Doesn't seem as comfortable as I wish it would. After stewing for hours about it. I mentally For Giving it back to them. I'm doing my rest and now I'm handing back that uncomfortable feeling back to them because it's theirs. I feel nothing but gratitude and love for them helping me with my Gable Boy so their feelings are theirs to work out. I am only in charge of my feeling so I'm GIVING it back to them because mine are in line and in harmony with myself.
Luckily - my head is in a semi-decent place right now or this might have ended every good thing that I had going for the last 3 days. I as a little sharp with the girls upon clean up, but other than that I kept it together. I cleaned up the vomit ridden car seat instead of throwing it away and replacing it. I even dealt with Gables not wanting to go sleep issue he is having right now. I FELT all those reasons above and knew that in all reality this happens no matter what and not because of something I've done. I even allowed DJ to take over when he got home at 7:30 and I did family scripture study and my 30 minute work out. Life carried on even though half digested hot dogs had been swept into my grass.
I couldn't have been more proud of myself. Really I did it! I calmly held Jude as he vomited on my shoulder. I only panicked when he vomited in the basement. I let him scream like crazy as we walked outside and I let DJ do all the oils and errands I couldn't do when Jude was laying all over me.
This morning's meditation was all about breathing in and saying Do Your Best. Breathing out and letting go and saying Let Go of the Rest. I was able to truly do this without judgement or self destruction because I FELT I could do it because it happened already. It really did happen.
Scripture study (still on Isiah) spoke of how God can only do miracles when faith is involved. I've been thinking a lot about this. Every day I'm trying to come up with a word to focus on and share with someone. Faith is something that I have always assigned out to Christ and Heavenly Father. I have faith in Them. Today I am feeling different about this word. Miracles can also be performed by our Savior when we have faith in OURSELVES. This is huge! The faith we have in them obviously is irreparable and so important, but the FAITH we have in ourselves is just as important. I might say TRANSFORMATIVE. Why shouldn't we have equal amounts of faith in his greatest creation? The self doubt can destroy our faith in others, including our Heavenly Father, because when we see ourselves as lacking how could we not see Him as lacking as well? If we see ourselves as his Perfect Creation, of course not expecting perfection FROM his creation, doesn't our ability to do what is needed increase?
I've been thinking a lot about covenants since Katy Willis brought it up as a ministering principal and this FAITH part is so important. We must have faith in ourselves or we would never make a covenant. We would never KEEP a covenant in our fallen state if we didn't have faith in ourselves that we could do our best and let go of the rest as an offering to our Savior's atonement. Personal faith in yourself is imperative. I think it has to be in place before we can have faith in others including our Savior. Trust is an inside job and I'm working hard at building it with myself.
Almost forgot these!!!
*Grateful for a washing machine and going to be grateful for an outside hose for the car seat later today
*Happy DJ could take Jude while I did my dreaded workout. It's not fun yet, but I still did it
*Tender mercy that we did not end up going to Smithfield as planned. That might have tipped my scale of things I could endure.
Win:
*Yesterday I shared the word Charity with Rachel and it really does feel so good to boost others and help them on their way.
*Curtis seemed to like his socks ;)
*Felt insecure at Gable's preschool open house. Don't know why I do. Doesn't seem as comfortable as I wish it would. After stewing for hours about it. I mentally For Giving it back to them. I'm doing my rest and now I'm handing back that uncomfortable feeling back to them because it's theirs. I feel nothing but gratitude and love for them helping me with my Gable Boy so their feelings are theirs to work out. I am only in charge of my feeling so I'm GIVING it back to them because mine are in line and in harmony with myself.
Tuesday, August 28, 2018
August 28, 2018
Today I am grateful for for moments of calm. As I was doing my 5 min meditation it was was on letting go and as I kept easing into it I could feel the tension in my body. I didn't even realize I was holding onto tension in my arms and shoulders. As I was able to keep meditating I could release more and more. What a relief to let go even of the physical things and burdens.
This one is so silly, but life altering - Headphones!! I love being able to block everything out and just focus on one thing. I'm pretty sure baby Jude is awake BUT I don't have to be sure of it or distracted by him or my guilt of not getting him because my head phones are in and I have music going and it's so lovely to just be by myself for a few moments before the day begins in earnest.
PRESENT - I am learning so much about this word. I am trying so hard to be more present. One way that I do this is not even my choice! Baby Jude loves to take me on my daily walk - multiple times daily. He grabs my hand and takes me where he wants. With the direction of Tiffany Roe as I walk with him I try and look at what he looks at. He is my example of being present. His discovery is so delightful and unexpected. It allows me to notice the newness of the mundane and regular.
Wins
*yesterday as I was studying my scriptures I came across the word grace that made me think of Alana and I took the time to send her a little message. I want my nieces and nephews to know they are loved.
*BJ called and asked me to help with wedding flowers and I told him I couldn't. I hated doing it but I know it was the right call. Then Barbie was asked and it hurt my feelings for a minute but I still know that it was correct to do. Only I know my situation and I don't have to be everything for everyone.
*Curtis armstrong started school teaching yesterday and we went and bought him socks and we all cannot wait to give them to him tonight.
This one is so silly, but life altering - Headphones!! I love being able to block everything out and just focus on one thing. I'm pretty sure baby Jude is awake BUT I don't have to be sure of it or distracted by him or my guilt of not getting him because my head phones are in and I have music going and it's so lovely to just be by myself for a few moments before the day begins in earnest.
PRESENT - I am learning so much about this word. I am trying so hard to be more present. One way that I do this is not even my choice! Baby Jude loves to take me on my daily walk - multiple times daily. He grabs my hand and takes me where he wants. With the direction of Tiffany Roe as I walk with him I try and look at what he looks at. He is my example of being present. His discovery is so delightful and unexpected. It allows me to notice the newness of the mundane and regular.
Wins
*yesterday as I was studying my scriptures I came across the word grace that made me think of Alana and I took the time to send her a little message. I want my nieces and nephews to know they are loved.
*BJ called and asked me to help with wedding flowers and I told him I couldn't. I hated doing it but I know it was the right call. Then Barbie was asked and it hurt my feelings for a minute but I still know that it was correct to do. Only I know my situation and I don't have to be everything for everyone.
*Curtis armstrong started school teaching yesterday and we went and bought him socks and we all cannot wait to give them to him tonight.
Monday, August 27, 2018
Perfectionism's effect
Lots of beginnings today. School, back to work with the boys. New schedule. New habits. New thoughts. Bonnie M. introduce Tiffany Roe to me in April and I instantly connected with her message and wanted more. I purchased her online courses in May and I am just beginning them tonight. Why, if I know she speaks my lingo and how I'm reaching out for anything to grab onto, would I wait this long? I'm not sure I have just one answer. Mostly I was too tired this summer to do anything more. I simply couldn't even make myself onto my own list. It was all too much and this work I know is going to be hard and I just couldn't do more hard this summer. I had a necklace made and wore it almost everyday that said ENOUGH. I had to remind myself at every turn that I had to stop at Enough not perfect or more.
Interestingly the first course is on perfectionism. Coincidence or not, what a difficult place to start. Mainly because I don't claim to be perfect. I hold onto my imperfections like a life preserver and flaunt them for the world to see, but there are some very deep bits of me where perfection is deeply rooted, but mostly I think I scream imperfection because I'm so scared people will discover I am NOT perfect. Beat them to the punch before they discover my secret.
Today's Q&A (I'm only in 15 minutes had to stop to answer and ponder!) How has perfectionism affected me? I have such a vivid memory of the first time I remember feeling the pressure of perfection. I was 9ish and the Baxter's had just been awarded Family of the Year in the Bear River Family. At age 9 I knew we were not perfect but I thought we were pretty damn good and hell, we were provably as good at being a family as lots of others. I really loved the attention. I loved my family. I loved that other people loved my family like I did. They really were my heros. They were who I wanted to be. I loved them more than anything and that is why it hurt when I felt people thought we did NOT deserve the title.
No words were spoken out loud. The specifics were not told to me of the WHY we were unworthy. I just felt my joy decrease steadily over time as I realized people did not think we were a good example of something to work towards. I felt shame for something I didn't even know or understand. It would take me years to be told of the mistakes of some of my heros. Strangers would continue to point out the mistakes of my family and I would continue to have my convictions of our family's goodness challenged. This made me be the first to point out my imperfections so people knew I KNEW I WAS NOT PERFECT. This also effected what choices I dared to make. I didn't want to make big mistakes or mistakes people would notice. I took chances I knew I could do quite well at. I am not a risk taker. I'm too afraid to fail. I'm too afraid someone will SEE me fail and remind me and tell others about it.
The fear of others being let down because of my imperfectness has guided every step along the way. The fear of failure brings the worry of not being able to perform at the standards set by myself and those I feel others expect of me. My worth is tied to being just perfect enough to meet expectations but not high enough to fail others. I want only enough attention to feel ok about myself, but am so uncomfortable with too much because I'm worried they will discover I'm a fraud. I constantly tell people all the things I failed at so their expectations remain at a level I can perform at. Don't put me too high because I'm sure I will fall and I will not allow others to relish in my failure. I will hide it and keep it to myself to push under the rug and remember to never try it again. If I can't be one the best - what's the point in trying?
Interestingly the first course is on perfectionism. Coincidence or not, what a difficult place to start. Mainly because I don't claim to be perfect. I hold onto my imperfections like a life preserver and flaunt them for the world to see, but there are some very deep bits of me where perfection is deeply rooted, but mostly I think I scream imperfection because I'm so scared people will discover I am NOT perfect. Beat them to the punch before they discover my secret.
Today's Q&A (I'm only in 15 minutes had to stop to answer and ponder!) How has perfectionism affected me? I have such a vivid memory of the first time I remember feeling the pressure of perfection. I was 9ish and the Baxter's had just been awarded Family of the Year in the Bear River Family. At age 9 I knew we were not perfect but I thought we were pretty damn good and hell, we were provably as good at being a family as lots of others. I really loved the attention. I loved my family. I loved that other people loved my family like I did. They really were my heros. They were who I wanted to be. I loved them more than anything and that is why it hurt when I felt people thought we did NOT deserve the title.
No words were spoken out loud. The specifics were not told to me of the WHY we were unworthy. I just felt my joy decrease steadily over time as I realized people did not think we were a good example of something to work towards. I felt shame for something I didn't even know or understand. It would take me years to be told of the mistakes of some of my heros. Strangers would continue to point out the mistakes of my family and I would continue to have my convictions of our family's goodness challenged. This made me be the first to point out my imperfections so people knew I KNEW I WAS NOT PERFECT. This also effected what choices I dared to make. I didn't want to make big mistakes or mistakes people would notice. I took chances I knew I could do quite well at. I am not a risk taker. I'm too afraid to fail. I'm too afraid someone will SEE me fail and remind me and tell others about it.
The fear of others being let down because of my imperfectness has guided every step along the way. The fear of failure brings the worry of not being able to perform at the standards set by myself and those I feel others expect of me. My worth is tied to being just perfect enough to meet expectations but not high enough to fail others. I want only enough attention to feel ok about myself, but am so uncomfortable with too much because I'm worried they will discover I'm a fraud. I constantly tell people all the things I failed at so their expectations remain at a level I can perform at. Don't put me too high because I'm sure I will fall and I will not allow others to relish in my failure. I will hide it and keep it to myself to push under the rug and remember to never try it again. If I can't be one the best - what's the point in trying?
New.. Sacrifices.
I'm beginning again, which seems like the only constant in my life, but I'm giving myself the time I need - the only way I know how, in the early morning. One change is to start with gratitude to work on feeling more abundance from the start of the day instead of just at the end.
I am grateful for writing.
For the last 3 months I knew that I needed to write my feelings more. I am finally acting on this knowledge and inspiration. I know that words are my power and as I use them and take them out of my mind that they will provide the continued inspiration and healing and clarity I am seeking
I am grateful for imperfection.
I have always said this. I used to wear a circle necklace to remind myself that - that was the only perfect thing anywhere. I kept swearing when I was the RS president to remind myself that I was still me - imperfect no matter the calling. As I got married and had kids, the need for perfect has seemed more intense and needful. As I sit here looking at all the unfinished house projects. The stuff out of place. The messes all around, they simply don't bother me as the once did. There are other needs that need attending to and I am ok to let the other things wait.
I am grateful for my body.
Now this one is not even close to where I want it to be, BUT as I was meditating we were suppose to look at ourselves and look at the parts that make us uncomfortable and look at the whole and to find some compassion and I couldn't help but think of my belly. Man is it driving me crazy in my mind lately. I can't seem to wear what I want. The garments keep sliding under causing a bigger pooch, but I am so grateful that there once used to be a child inside there. I'm grateful I could carry 4 of my own. I'm grateful that with all the little problems that my body has that it was healthy enough to create life and sustain it. Now I'm in a different time and I need to to sustain me for the next X years, but that belly reminds me of 4 of my greatest blessings and I am grateful for them.
So as I make this sacrifice of sleep and avoidance for myself and Heavenly Father. I am grateful for the inspiration to do so and the faith that it will allow me to create space for Him to speak more clearly to me and allow myself to know myself again.
I am grateful for writing.
For the last 3 months I knew that I needed to write my feelings more. I am finally acting on this knowledge and inspiration. I know that words are my power and as I use them and take them out of my mind that they will provide the continued inspiration and healing and clarity I am seeking
I am grateful for imperfection.
I have always said this. I used to wear a circle necklace to remind myself that - that was the only perfect thing anywhere. I kept swearing when I was the RS president to remind myself that I was still me - imperfect no matter the calling. As I got married and had kids, the need for perfect has seemed more intense and needful. As I sit here looking at all the unfinished house projects. The stuff out of place. The messes all around, they simply don't bother me as the once did. There are other needs that need attending to and I am ok to let the other things wait.
I am grateful for my body.
Now this one is not even close to where I want it to be, BUT as I was meditating we were suppose to look at ourselves and look at the parts that make us uncomfortable and look at the whole and to find some compassion and I couldn't help but think of my belly. Man is it driving me crazy in my mind lately. I can't seem to wear what I want. The garments keep sliding under causing a bigger pooch, but I am so grateful that there once used to be a child inside there. I'm grateful I could carry 4 of my own. I'm grateful that with all the little problems that my body has that it was healthy enough to create life and sustain it. Now I'm in a different time and I need to to sustain me for the next X years, but that belly reminds me of 4 of my greatest blessings and I am grateful for them.
So as I make this sacrifice of sleep and avoidance for myself and Heavenly Father. I am grateful for the inspiration to do so and the faith that it will allow me to create space for Him to speak more clearly to me and allow myself to know myself again.
The Village
It's back-to-school eve and the roomba is frantically trying to clean up the last bits of left over summer. Lunches are packed. The clothes are decided on. Teeth are brush AND flossed for the big occasion and as I sit with the "old melancholy feeling" that comes each year on this day I cannot help but feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the village that is about to embrace my kids for the next 9 months of our lives.
The saying "it takes a village" never really set well with me. I didn't like it. I think because I never felt part of any village. I was the passer byer. I came to town. Saw the sights. Made some small talk and left without connecting too much or investing too much. I grew up in a large family. They were my village. They were safe. The would HAVE to love me no matter what. They were all I had and all I needed, or so I thought.
The first village I "officially" joined was in college - simply because I didn't have my family. All that was familiar was gone and I desperately needed people to make it through all that was happening and going to happen. I latched onto my village people and I have never let them go. They still are my people though years, and space have divided us - the shared experiences are an unbreakable bond.
Now that I am a mother my village has somewhat reverted back to the old habits. My 4 kids and husband are my village. They keep me busy -occupied, and challenged. I used to think that THEY were all I needed at this time in my life. It sure seemed as though they were ALL I had time for. Then 3 years ago I needed help. I needed help that could not be provided by the little loving hands and the provisions of my husband. Needs that even my large extended family of 50 couldn't meet. I needed help from complete strangers. I was desperate and I invited them into my world, begging them to help me with my 2 year old son who wouldn't participate in any village. I NEEDED these people more than I needed anybody ever before. The Lessons. The Pain. The Work. The Support. They had it all and it was at that time that I FINALLY understood why villages are here. They provided me and my family love when I was fresh out. They provided understanding when confusion and fear were on the attack. They provided the hand to pull me up and help me try again. They loved my child so I could learn to love in his way with their guidance.
So, as my kids enter their villages tomorrow my heart is so full of gratitude for those old and young who will embrace them when I'm not around. The teachers who will DAILY do their best to ensure their personal success. Those adults who love my children and Inspire them to Aspire for more. My heart is full for all of them. If there is one thing I have learned in 11 years of motherhood it is this: I cannot - nor do I want - to do it alone. The lessons my kids learn from all those willing to share is a gift I cannot adequately give thanks for. So I will simply say, thank you teachers, principals, counselors, lunch ladies, car pool drivers, janitors, coaches, church leaders, neighbors, locker mates, and instructors of any kind, Thank you for loving my kids enough to: Teach Them, To Love Them, and To Dream with Them.
The saying "it takes a village" never really set well with me. I didn't like it. I think because I never felt part of any village. I was the passer byer. I came to town. Saw the sights. Made some small talk and left without connecting too much or investing too much. I grew up in a large family. They were my village. They were safe. The would HAVE to love me no matter what. They were all I had and all I needed, or so I thought.
The first village I "officially" joined was in college - simply because I didn't have my family. All that was familiar was gone and I desperately needed people to make it through all that was happening and going to happen. I latched onto my village people and I have never let them go. They still are my people though years, and space have divided us - the shared experiences are an unbreakable bond.
Now that I am a mother my village has somewhat reverted back to the old habits. My 4 kids and husband are my village. They keep me busy -occupied, and challenged. I used to think that THEY were all I needed at this time in my life. It sure seemed as though they were ALL I had time for. Then 3 years ago I needed help. I needed help that could not be provided by the little loving hands and the provisions of my husband. Needs that even my large extended family of 50 couldn't meet. I needed help from complete strangers. I was desperate and I invited them into my world, begging them to help me with my 2 year old son who wouldn't participate in any village. I NEEDED these people more than I needed anybody ever before. The Lessons. The Pain. The Work. The Support. They had it all and it was at that time that I FINALLY understood why villages are here. They provided me and my family love when I was fresh out. They provided understanding when confusion and fear were on the attack. They provided the hand to pull me up and help me try again. They loved my child so I could learn to love in his way with their guidance.
So, as my kids enter their villages tomorrow my heart is so full of gratitude for those old and young who will embrace them when I'm not around. The teachers who will DAILY do their best to ensure their personal success. Those adults who love my children and Inspire them to Aspire for more. My heart is full for all of them. If there is one thing I have learned in 11 years of motherhood it is this: I cannot - nor do I want - to do it alone. The lessons my kids learn from all those willing to share is a gift I cannot adequately give thanks for. So I will simply say, thank you teachers, principals, counselors, lunch ladies, car pool drivers, janitors, coaches, church leaders, neighbors, locker mates, and instructors of any kind, Thank you for loving my kids enough to: Teach Them, To Love Them, and To Dream with Them.
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