Guilt

I swear I have written about this before, but maybe it has always been in my head. I hate guilt, but I am discovering that I dislike the effects more than feeling itself.

I have always correlated the feeling of guilt with the feeling of nausea when you need to throw up. Perhaps the reason this is coming up is the fact that Jude had his Hot Dog and milk come back up (hot dog throw up is a whole other LONG story) last night and Gable threw up at the gym today. Just the thought makes me nauseous. I'm not great at throwing up. Never have been.

Guilt is kind of the same way with me. I don't deal with it well. It festers. I can't get rid of it because I"m more scared of the process than the relief of being rid of it. Dumb or not, make any sense or not that is my reality. I was doing my workout again tonight (that's right 3 nights in a row!) and I couldn't help but think that as much as I really didn't like doing it (sorry still not fun) the fact that I don't have to feel guilt about NOT doing it is totally awesome. Yep, I'm working out to avoid guilt. Just like I take pepto pills so I don't throw up.

This however is not a lasting way to change. It's easy to avoid guilt through justification and excuses. Eventually working out will need to feel good and yield other results if it is going to stick. Avoiding guilt however is not a bad way to start.

The problem with guilt is that it can swing the pendulum either way. Too much guilt can make you feel so down and out that you are immobilized with failure. The balance to promote change is tricky to find and finding a way to prompt beyond guilt should be the goal.