I am my Perception

I have had an interesting couple days that have caused me to try and understand miscommunication. When one's goal was to help, but all the other saw was an intrusion. When an explanation of one turned into a degradation for the other. It's simply fascinating and oh so freaking frustrating!

I think we spend so much time thinking and worrying about how things will be perceived. It is whole industry - it's called Marketing and Public Relations. The "image" we put out there is valued more than the product itself. There is more money spent in these areas than I really want to admit. More time is put into a product prep than the cost of the product itself.

This image focus extends to every part of our life: Make up, Clothes, Houses, Neighborhoods, Cars, Food.. you name it. It all creates an image by which we are judged.

The problem with this is that we have NO control over what people think about us. We can painfully curate the most meticulous image of how we want people to perceive us, but it is completely up to them how they interpret the image.

When I was in middle school I had a day of reckoning. I was trying so hard to "fit in." To create the image of who I wanted to be. The clothes, the HAIR, the darn backpack, and correct locker decor. I found out through the grapevine that there was a person that still did not like me after ALL this hard work I had been putting in. After some serious investigation I discovered that I was not liked because I was "too happy."

That was IT for me. I had it. That was the one thing that I truly loved about myself. I KNEW I was suppose to be a happy person. God had designed me that way... I had evidence (that is a whole other post.) I gave it all up after that. I my carefully pieced image still couldn't ensure the way others perceive me.

So today I honestly try to control only my person perception. Let's be honest. It's a lot of work to keep my focus correct for my own self and sanity. I have no control of any part of perception except my own so as long as I am happy and honest with that one interpretation that is enough.

Grateful:
-Been pretty calm through some hard couple days at work. Long days and long discussions, but doing good so far.

-the kiddos have been super great with me working more hours. They are really responsible for kids their age.

-I still feel a lot of peace with my work decision even though there is still some guilt.

Wins:
-hazel is  doing so much better at math

-Jude is doing so much better at The Peak (most days)

-I went to bed at 10:00pm last night!